You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
