Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
