I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
