what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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