You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I believe in your delicious
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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