I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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