Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
