Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
