i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
