It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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