he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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