I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
