Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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