Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
