But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
