I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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