Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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