Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
