just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So. Much. Porn.
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