dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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