i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
