I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
handjob tips. give me some.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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