Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
