well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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