chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
