I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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