CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
