: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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