her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
