your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
