Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
