i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
