dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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