The maid of honor just puked.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
