turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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