In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
