Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
