The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
