would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
