he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So vagazzling was a success
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
