I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
