I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
