She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
