So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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