CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
