If i come over, it means nothing
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
