I wish I could teleport
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I am one with the molecules
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
