i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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