I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
