BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
