I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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