one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
