Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
